Any abuse is hurtful, but there is a type of abuse that individuals fail to comprehend: reactive abuse. Reactive abuse is when an individual, who has suffered abuse for so long, ends up responding in such a way that it looks like they are being abusive. The response is usually the result of continuous emotional, psychological, or physical abuse. The key here is that the victim’s reaction is provoked by the abuser, and it is often used against them to make the victim look like the abuser.
In this blog, we’ll explain what reactive abuse is, how it affects victims, and how to recognize it.
What is Reactive Abuse?
Reactive abuse happens when a victim of abuse finally reacts after being provoked beyond their limits. The reaction could be physical violence, yelling, or defensiveness. The victim could lash out in anger, fear, or frustration after being subjected to abuse repeatedly.
The thing about reactive abuse is that the victim is not willingly being abusive. Instead, the abuser has provoked the victim to the point of no return. In many instances, the abuser will instigate the victim, and when the victim finally responds, the abuser uses this reaction as a way of making the victim appear to be the problem. It is a confusing situation that leaves the victim feeling culpable for having responded, when the abuser induced the reaction initially.
The Cycle of Reactive Abuse
The cycle of reactive abuse starts when the abuser physically or emotionally harms the victim. The abuse may persist over a long time, causing the victim to feel trapped, isolated, and powerless.
Later, the victim might react to the pain and stress they have been enduring. The reaction can be intense and out of character, such as yelling or even striking out. This is not, however, done with the intent to injure; it is an emotional explosion following chronic abuse.
When this happens, the abuser will then reverse the situation and claim that the victim is abusive. The abuser will use the victim’s reaction as “proof” that the victim is the problem. This makes the victim feel worse, and they will start to doubt themselves and be even more confused.
The Effect on Victims
Reactive abuse can have serious emotional and psychological effects on its victims. Victims typically feel guilty, ashamed, or confused after having reacted. They might even start believing that they are the abusers in the relationship when they’ve actually been repeatedly abused.
Victims of reactive abuse also feel trapped. They believe they cannot escape the abusive relationship because nobody believes them and they have no support. The emotional effect of being repeatedly manipulated and blamed for their reactions can lead to mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, or even PTSD.
How to Identify Reactive Abuse
Recognizing reactive abuse is important in understanding how to help victims. The signs to look out for are as follows:
- Gaslighting: The abuser makes the victim question reality, and they end up feeling crazy or overreacting.
- Emotional Control: The abuser plays with the emotions of the victim, dictates their behavior, and makes them withdrawn from other people.
- Provoked Reactions: The victim’s outburst is a response to the ongoing abuse they are experiencing. The reaction of the victim is not uncalled for but the outcome of being pushed over the edge.
- Blame Shifting: The abuser makes the victim believe that they are the issue, whereas the abuser provoked the situation.
- Isolation: The victim may withdraw from family and friends, and it becomes increasingly hard to get help or to get support.
Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Abuse
It is possible to break the cycle of reactive abuse, although it might be difficult. The following are actions that victims can take:
Seek Professional Help: Therapy can assist victims in understanding the abusive dynamics and restoring their self-esteem. A counselor or therapist who specializes in abuse can guide the victim through the healing process.
Build a Support System: Friends and relatives who are supportive can make a huge difference. One must reach out to those who believe and comprehend the victim’s side of the story.
Set Boundaries: Victims should learn to establish healthy boundaries with the abuser. This may include cutting off contact or seeking legal protection, if needed, in the form of a restraining order.
Educate Yourself: It may empower victims to be aware that reactive abuse is real. Knowing the signs of abuse and how to handle it may give victims the courage to take action to protect themselves.
Conclusion
Reactive abuse is a harmful form of abuse that is not easily noticeable. It occurs when an individual reacts to the abuse they have suffered, but the abuser manipulates their reaction to turn them into the abuser. Such manipulation and blaming can cause the victim to feel confused, guilty, and isolated.
By recognizing the signs of reactive abuse, assisting victims, and informing others about this phenomenon, we can end the cycle of abuse. No one is responsible for their response to having been abused, and one should understand that reactive abuse is just as bad as any abuse. If you or someone you know is experiencing reactive abuse, it’s essential to seek help and obtain support in order to recover and exit the cycle.
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